Sometimes all you need in life is a good laugh. There are so many health benefits to getting a chuckle out, and they have proven to improve heart muscles and increase endorphins. We may not be doctors, but we can guarantee that laughter is the best medicine! Whether you’re having a hard day, need a pick-me-up, or just love a good opportunity to giggle, this list of quotes is perfect for you. We have compiled the funniest quotes, jokes, and sayings that apply to every occasion.
1. Funny Inspirational Quotes
Sometimes inspirational quotes can be a bit boring and don’t inspire much. These funny alternatives call for the humorous side of motivation while still giving you the spark to get some work done. Use these to inspire a friend and make them giggle, or print them out for your mood board. Alternatively, you can add it to an Instagram caption to make people smile or write it on a Post-It for a pick-me-up.
- “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” —Thomas Eddison.
- “If you’re going to be thinking, you may as well think big.” —Donald Trump
- “Opportunity does not knock; it presents itself when you beat down the door.” —Kyle Chandler
- “Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” —Will Rogers
- “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” —Dalai Lama
2. Funny Quotes About Life
Life throws a lot at you. From kids to new journeys, there’s always a way to find humor in it. These quotes encapsulated the trials and tribulations that happen to everyone, but keep it light and cheery and tickle your funny bone. Share these with someone who needs a bit of cheering up or if you need to give yourself a boost. From celebrities to famous quotes from anonymous people, there is something to give you a chuckle or two!
- “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
- “Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost, and you see a path. Then, by all means, follow that path.”—Ellen DeGeneres.
- “Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.”—Anonymous.
- “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.”—Les Dawson.
- “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” —Mitch Hedberg.
3. Funny Motivational Quotes
Getting yourself motivated can be difficult, but it can make the journey a little easier when you inject some humor into it. There are always ups and downs in life, so finding the funny side can inspire you to achieve great things, large or small. Turn to these quotes whenever you need them. They may cheer you up and give you that extra boost when you need it the most. Even if life knocks you down, these will help you get back up!
- “When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’” —Sydney Harris
- “If you’re going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now.” —Marie Osmond.
- “Whoever said, ‘It’s not whether you win or lose that counts,’ probably lost.” —Martina Navratilova
- “If you fall, I’ll always be there.” —The Floor.
- “I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” —Steven Wright
4. Funny Friday Quotes
Arguably the best day of the week, Fridays are sure to put a smile on your face. These quotes may just take it one step further. Whether you’re stepping out with friends and enjoying a night on the town or staying in with a glass of wine and your favorite film, this selection can encapsulate your moods perfectly. Use these as a caption for an Instagram story or caption, and prepare for the laughs to roll in!
- “May today be the Fridayest Friday that ever Fridayed.” —Anonymous
- “Friday is my second favorite F word. Food is my first.” —Anonymous
- “It’s Friday night. Time to be a hero and rescue some wine trapped in a bottle.” —Anonymous
- “Friday is like a superhero that always arrives just in time to stop me from savagely beating one of my co-workers with a keyboard.” – West Lee
- “It’s always difficult to keep Fridays confined within themselves. They tend to spill over.” – Parag Tipnis.
5. Funny Work and Office Quotes
From the cubicle to the water cooler, office life affects everyone differently. But these funny quotes all hit the same. Not only are these saying super relatable, but they’re also hilarious. From finding success to the daily grind, you can send them to a colleague for a giggle or write it to yourself if you need a little pick-me-up. Remember, everyone has challenging days, but you can go far with a smile on your face with these sayings.
- “If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” — John Gotti.
- “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen
- “The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown
- “Nobody ever wrote down a plan to be broke, fat lazy, or stupid. Those things are what happen when you didn’t have a plan.” – Larry Winget
- “The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.” – Vince Lombardi
6. Funny Best Friend Quotes
No one is quite like a best friend. They’re with you through thick and thin, so they’re the best person to turn to if you need a good laugh. On the days where you want to remind them of your appreciation, or if you just need to get them to smile, these quotes will certainly do the trick. Relatable and witty, they can apply to a wide variety of instances, no matter how long you’ve been buddies.
- “I’m not good at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” —Chandler (Matthew Perry), Friends.
- “Having those weird conversations with your friend and thinking, “if anyone heard us, we’d be put in a mental hospital.” —Unknown.
- “We’ve been friends for so long I can’t remember which one of us is the bad influence.” —Unknown.
- “Best Friends. They know how crazy you are and still choose to be seen with you in public.” —Unknown
- “Best friend: the one that you can be mad at only for a short period of time because you have important stuff to tell them.” —Unknown
7. Funny Birthday Quotes
Unsure of what to write in a birthday card, other than the obvious? Then these sayings are a perfect choice. Not only are they hilarious to read, but they can apply to myriad people and situations. An Instagram post will be instantly enhanced, a speech with one of these quotes will fill the room with laughter, and you will find a connection to the person celebrating their birthday.
- “You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” —Bob Hope.
- “Eventually, you reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” —Will Rogers.
- “Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.” —C.E.M. Joad
- “You’re in mint condition for a vintage model. Happy Birthday.” —Catherine Pulsifer
- “Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” —Unknown.
8. Funny Twitter Quotes
There’s nothing quite like a hilarious tweet. The social media platform has been the home to thousands of side-splitting quotes, and here is a tiny little snippet of them. You don’t need to have a specific reason to use them. Just send them to a friend, use them as a caption for a social post, or just read it to yourself when you need a giggle. We’ve added the user’s tags too, just in case you want to give them credit for their clever thoughts!
- “In a thousand years archaeologists will dig up tanning beds and think we fried people as punishment” @oliviawilde
- “[COMMERCIAL ON TV] Me, as a kid: Hey, I have that toy! Me, as an adult: Hey, I’m on that medication.” @mommajessiec
- “When parents say to kids “go to your room & think about what you’ve done” it’s really good practice for what you’ll do every night as an adult.” @tastefactory
- “I told my boyfriend I was going to start my period, and he said, “AGAIN??” It’s like, you know what, you’re right, I’m cancelling my subscription.” @cULTMOTHER
- “Do people who run know that we’re not food anymore?” @IamEnidColeslaw
9. Funny Christmas Quotes
It’s the most wonderful time of year for many. Sure, there is great food and heaps of presents, but one of the best ways to bring joy to the season is by adding some humor under the Christmas tree. These quotes are relatable and hilarious, whether y’s about ordering gifts online, office parties, or spreading cheer. Drink eggnog, post a photo with your loved ones, and add some Christmas cheer with a funny quote from below. Trust us when we say you’ll be on the ‘nice’ list for years to come.
- “Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” —Andy Borowitz
- “This holiday season, no matter what your religion is, please take a moment to reflect on why it’s better than all the other ones.” —Guy Endore Kaiser
- “What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” —Phyllis Diller.
- “Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.” —Johnny Carson.
- “Christmas is the season when people run out of money before they run out of friends.” —Larry Wilde.
10. Funny Love and Marriage Quotes
Love and marriage may go together like a horse and carriage, but sometimes even the happiest relationships need a bit of help. These quotes seek out the funny side of loving relationships, from their ups to their downs, and everything in between. These love quotes are great to use for an anniversary social media post, a love letter, or just for fun. They can also be cathartic ways of letting go of a toxic relationship – sometimes quotes like these can express more than you believed.
- “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell.
- “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” —Rita Rudner.
- “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” —Rodney Dangerfield
- “Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably shit.” —Unknown.
- “Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe. So basically a clown ninja.” —Unknown.
11. Short Funny Quotes
Sometimes the funniest sayings are less than 25 words long – and this selection of short quotes proves it correct. Short and punchy, they’re sure to give you a giggle or two – trust us. Here you will find sayings from much-loved comedians like Robin Williams and George Carlin – they’re clever and witty without feeling cheesy or outdated. They’re perfect for those who don’t like beating around the bush, and enjoy a quick quip or two!
- “Here’s all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.”—George Carlin
- “Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?”—Jay Leno
- “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”—Steve Martin
- “Never do anything out of hunger. Not even eating.”—Frank Semyon (Vince Vaughn), True Detective
- “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” —Robin Williams
12. Funny Graduation Quotes
After years of hard work, graduation is a milestone that needs to be celebrated. But why commemorate the event with a generic quote that everyone uses when you could say something funny? These sayings use humor to articulate the dedication you have put into your education and also highlight the importance of determination. Plus, there’s a quip or two about commencement speeches that everyone can relate to – it’s a universal thing!
- “You know that point at your graduation ceremony where everyone tosses up their caps? Isn’t it great that we all celebrate how smart we are by throwing sharp pointy objects in the air?” —Unknown
- “If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.” —Frank A. Clark.
- “Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.” —Gary Trudeau.
- “The main difference for you, between life yesterday and life tomorrow, is you can go to the bathroom whenever you want. It’s a pretty big responsibility, but you’ve earned it.” —Eugene Mirman.
- “A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that ‘individuality’ is the key to success.” —Robert Orben.
13. Funny Mother Quotes
A mother’s love is like no other, even if it is intrusive or annoying. These quotes channel the unmatched love you have for your parent while finding a sense of humor at the same time. Whether you quote a famous TV show or you realize that you and your mom are incredibly similar, there’s something that you can relate to and appreciate. Use these for Mother’s Day, a social post, or send them to your mama to show how much you care.
- “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” —Erma Bombeck.
- “Being a mom means never buying the right amount of produce. Either everyone suddenly loves grapes and a week’s worth are eaten in one afternoon, or fruit flies are congregating around my rotting bananas.” —Lessons from the Minivan.
- “I’m not insane. My mother had me tested.”—Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons), The Big Bang Theory.
- “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, I am my mother after all!” —Unknown
- “Working mothers are guinea pigs in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not necessary for human life.” —Unknown
14. Funny Office Quotes
The daily grind doesn’t have to be a chore when you read quotes these funny. Whether you work with someone who drives you up the wall or love everything about your job, you can find the funny side of your 9 to 5 in this selection. Saying from iconic comedians like Groucho Marx to the World’s Best Boss, Michael Scott, you can tickle your funny bone while getting your daily work done.
- “Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” —Anonymous
- “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence, and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.” — Michael Scott.
- “Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen.
- “The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form. ” — Stanley J. Randall.
- “The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” – Groucho Marx.
15. Funny Halloween Quotes
Say hello to spooky season with this collection of hilarious Halloween quotes. Some of these jokes are perfect for a costume you’re wearing, others are ideal for a social media post with your friends. Tickle your funny bone with quips about ghosts, skeletons, or vampires. Whether you trick or treat this season, these jokes will get you in the good books of everyone that hears these funny wisecracks.
- “Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.”—David Letterman.
- How do vampires get around on Halloween? On blood vessels.
- Why didn’t the skeleton go to prom? He had no body to go with.
- Why are ghosts so bad at telling lies? Because you can see right through them.
- What do you call two witches sharing an apartment? Broommates.
16. Funny Senior and Retirement Quotes
Is it time to say farewell to working life, or you’ve simply reached an age where you just don’t care anymore? Then these quotes are for you. Whether it’s a message for a retirement card or you need a witty caption, you can find the funniest options here. Enjoy the freedom and giggle at the trials and tribulations of life – these sayings are sure to spark joy!
- “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.”—Joan Rivers.
- “As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.”—Sir Norman Wisdom.
- “Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings, and you hope it isn’t for you.” — Ogden Nash.
- “Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.” —Unknown.
- “Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.” —Jonathan Clements.
17. Funny Yearbook Quotes
There are a few difficult decisions to make in your high school journey: which college to choose? What would be my major? What do I write in my yearbook? While we can’t help with the first two questions, we’ve got the last one covered. These quotes are funny and timeless, guaranteed to make you laugh. Even after years have passed, you will look at your senior photo and give yourself a giggle!
- I Had To Put My Grades Up For Adoption Because I Couldn’t Raise Them.
- I Look Better In Person.
- Education Is Important But Big Biceps Are Importanter.
- I Started High School With Straight A’s, Now I’m Not Even Straight.
- Sometimes When My Neighbour Is Gone, I Roll Around In Her Garden And Pretend I’m Carrot.
18. Funny Coffee Quotes
Coffee is one of the few pleasures of life. Many can’t function properly without it and make it a part of their daily routine. If this sounds like you, then you’ll likely love these quotes. Even if you’re not at Lorelai Gilmore levels of caffeine addiction, these funny sayings may resonate with you, making for the perfect social media caption or something you say to your barista as they make your daily brew.
- “The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.”– Anonymous
- ”Maybe she’s born with it. Maybe it’s caffeine.” – Anonymous
- “Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.” – Earl Wilson
- “People don’t seem as annoying when I’ve got coffee.” –Tommy Cotton
- “Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?” –Jean Kerr
19. Funny Family Quotes
While you can’t always choose your family, you love them through it all. Of course, no family is perfect, and we all have ups and downs. Celebrate the funny sides of it with these quotes – showing off the quirky and sometimes downright bizarre moments that happen throughout the week. Share these jokes and sayings with them via text in the group chat, or share them as a social media caption. They’re sure to appreciate it!
- “Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”— Wayne Huizenga
- “Our family is just one tent away from a full-blown Circus.” – Anonymous
- “Having a child makes you a parent; having two, you are a referee.” – David Frost
- “To encourage my little kid to eat something, I would sometimes say: Just pretend it is sand.” – Anonymous
- “Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.” – Chelsea Handler
20. Funny Quotes of the Day
Start your day right and with a smile on your face, thanks to this selection of funny quotes of the day. Devoid of a specific theme, they cover the funniest moments of life, from self-actualization to knowledge and everything in between. There are some hilarious sayings from famous comedians and actors, like Bill Murray and Lily Tomlin. Have a peek, and try not to giggle – we dare you!
- “I have always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific.” –Lily Tomlin.
- “Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.” –Bill Murray.
- “If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?” –Jerry Seinfeld
- “When nothing is going right, go left.” –Unknown
- “All generalizations are false, including this one.” –Mark Twain.
21. Funny Monday Quotes
Arguably, it’s the most dreaded day of the week, but Monday can get a smidgen better, thanks to these funny and relatable quotes. If you loathe this day, have no fear – these sayings understand the pain of saying goodbye to the weekend and beginning a new week. Share these with your friends on Instagram, or perhaps send them to your friends. They’re likely all to understand completely!
- “I swear it was Friday like 5 minutes ago.” –Unknown
- “Monday: nothing a bit of shopping can’t fix.” –Unknown
- “Maybe Monday doesn’t like you either.” –Unknown
- “Even the best weeks start with Monday” –Nice Peter
- “If each day is a gift, I would like to know where I can return Mondays.” –John Wagner
22. Funny Dog Quotes
Dogs have absolutely earned their title as Man’s best friend. They increase your daily activity level, but they are incredibly entertaining and make for excellent companions (especially for hugs!). So how could we not collect the best dog quotes? These funny sayings encapsulate the undeniable joy of owning a pup and their amazing energy. All fur parents will relate to these!
- “What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job!”— George Carlin.
- “If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.” — Phil Pastoret.
- “You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’ ” — Dave Barry
- “If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?” –Unknown.
- “The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.” –Unknown.
23. Funny Sister Quotes
There is no love as undying or everlasting as the one you have for a sister. Far more than just siblings, you can share the largest and smallest moments in your lives together and teach each other lessons along the way. So, is there a better way to show your adoration for your sister than with one of these quotes? From always sticking together to the unbreakable bond, you will want to share all of these with her!
- “If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.” – Pearl Cleage.
- “I smile because you’re my sister. I laugh because there’s nothing you can do about it.” – Unknown.
- “Sisters are like fat thighs… they stick together.” – Unknown
- “You can kid the world, but not your sister.” – Charlotte Gray
- “When I say I won’t tell anyone, my sister doesn’t count.” – Unknown
24. Funny Thanksgiving Quotes
The time of year when you are most thankful for everything around you, Thanksgiving is the time to show appreciation for the things in your life. When it comes to sharing these on social platforms, captions such as ‘Thankful’ can be boring after a while. These funny alternatives connect with friends and family and may earn a chuckle or two from those who read them.
- “I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”–Erma Bombeck
- “Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.” –P.J. O’Rourke
- “A new survey found that 80 percent of men claim they help cook Thanksgiving dinner. Which makes sense, when you hear them consider saying ‘that smells good’ to be helping.” –Jimmy Fallon
- “For those of you who cannot be with family this Thanksgiving, please resist the urge to brag.” –Andy Borowitz
- “Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings, one by one, as each relative goes home.” –Melanie White
25. Funny Easter Quotes
It’s the chocolatiest time of the year and is a great time to show off your egg collection. These Easter quotes cover everything from hoarding chocolate bunnies to an Easter Egg Hunt. You will have plenty to work with for your next social media post – good luck choosing just one. You’d be hopping mad not to find any of these funny!
- “A balanced Easter diet is a chocolate egg in each hand.” – Unknown
- “Golf is just the adult version of an Easter Egg Hunt.” – Unknown
- “Tell the chocolate bunny I’ll pass. I have enough men in my life who are hollow and disappointing.” —Unknown
- “If you see a rabbit laying little brown eggs, don’t eat them. It’s not chocolate!” —Unknown
- “The Easter bunny ate all of the carrots we left for him. What a pig.” —Steve Carell
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